SGA: Before myself, beside myself
by millenium-writer
Summary: A short trip to another world yields an unpleasant surprise for Sheppard's team, and a worsening, life-threatening condition for a tagalong rookie member of Atlantis. Now McKay, Zalenka, and Beckett must race for the cure, before time runs out.


A lone puddle jumper coasted through the inky black of space, smoothly, silently.

Inside, it was anything but smooth and silent.

"All I'm saying is I don't like the idea of him replacing Ford." Doctor Rodney McKay occupied the seat behind the co-pilot's chair, in the same grumpy mood he'd been in at the start of the mission.

"He's not replacing Ford, Rodney." Colonel Sheppard barely put any effort into paying attention to the controls of the little ship he was flying, he put even less into paying attention to his team mate. "It's just one or two missions." Due to the way Ancient vessels flew, he didn't _need_ to do much to fly. He mostly ignored Rodney because it amused him sometimes.

"Well it's one mission too many, if you ask me." Sulking, McKay pulled a small sensor probe out from one of his many pockets, tapping tip against the ZPM he cradled in his lap.

"What's your problem with him anyway?" Sheppard half-turned in his seat, keeping one hand on the controls. "And will you stop playing with that thing? You're gonna blow us all up."

"Ha ha, funny." Still sulking, McKay tapped the sensor to another point on the ZPM. "It's mostly depleted, and perfectly safe." He tapped yet another spot on the device. "It's just, you know, his rank and-"

"His _rank_? That's what you have a problem with?"

"It's not just his rank, but yes, him being a Lieutenant bugs me a little." Rodney fiddled a little with the tiny sensor, which itself looked like a cross between an egg and a stylus. "And he's working with the team too, there's that."

Letting out an exasperated half-groan, half-sigh, Sheppard gave up and turned back to recheck their course on the HUD. Rodney had never had _half_ this many problems with Ronan joining the team.

Behind the pair, the bulkhead door hummed open. "Alright, the 'unstable, super explodable element' has been secured." Securing the door behind him, the Lieutenant raked his hands through his short brown hair, easing his way into the co-pilot's seat. "Ahhh, 'scuse me Doctor."

Making a face, McKay pulled the ZPM a little closer to his chest.

"Huh."

Sheppard glanced over at his co-pilot. "What?"

"I thought he didn't like lemons."

Grinning, Sheppard turned back to the HUD, studying it rather intensely.

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" McKay, unable to ignore people talking about him, had stuffed the sensor back into his pocket.

"It means 'stop being such a sour-puss' Doctor." Lacing his fingers together, the Lieutenant slid his hands behind his head, smiling to himself.

"Oh ha ha, very funny, Lieutenant Leftman."

"_Lensman._ Ell ee en, ess em ay en. It's not that hard to remember." Lieutenant Lensman frowned, craning his neck around to stare at McKay over his seat back. "After all, I can remember _your_ name, _Doctor McKay._"

McKay's patience audibly _snapped_. "Of course you can remember my name, I'm the guy who brilliantly saves the day and blows up Wraith and Replicators! You're just the guy who takes up space and irritates one of the greatest minds this galaxy has ever seen."

Wincing a little, Lensman silently turned back to face the HUD, lips pressed into a thin line.

Feeling a pang of regret, McKay cast about for something to say to take back some of what he'd said, looking a little lost for words. The problem was, as Rodney saw it, everything he'd said was true.

"And on that note, let's all play the quiet game for the rest of the trip home." Carefully arranging his face into a neutral expression, Sheppard glanced at the center of the HUD. "ETA; three minutes. So, a short game."

Two minutes silently slid by, broken only by the sound of someone clearing their throat, or shifting in their seat.

"Does anyone else feel that?" Lensman turned to look at Sheppard, then McKay.

"And you just lost the game." Sheppard kept his eyes locked onto the HUD, intently scanning a small window he'd brought up that was filled with text.

"I don't feel anything." McKay wasn't interested either. He just wanted the flight to be over, so he could get back to his quarters, take a hot bath, and forget this day had ever happened.

"You don't feel that little tingling at the back of your teeth?" Lensman squinted past McKay, frowning.

"No. All I feel is how empty my stomach is."

"I feel it too." Sheppard reached up, pointing to a single line on the display. "There. Rodney, what's this right here?"

"It's probably nothing." Sighing, McKay leaned forward to check. "Ok, fine. It's not nothing, it's something barely above nothing."

"Rodney." Sheppard's tone had a slight edge to it, as it always did when he expected McKay to say something he wasn't going to like, and was taking his time getting around to it.

"Look, all it's saying is that the jumper's drive is slightly out of alignment. Nothing to worry about at all." The jumper shivered a little. "Ok, more than slightly out of alignment. Still nothing to worry about." The shiver turned into a light shaking, which then became sustained bucking. "Ok, maybe it's something to be worried about!"

Gritting his teeth, Sheppard gripped his seat with one hand, the other dancing over the jumper's controls. "Dial Atlantis, Lieutenant. Let's hope we can land before things get really ugly."

Lensman clung to the console with one arm, shaking his head, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. "Is anyone else seeing double here, or is it just me?"

"You're going to be seeing nothing at all if you don't get that gate dialed." The bucking was making the little jumper hard to control, not that one could tell from the outside, as Sheppard expertly jinked the controls back and forth to counteract the wild shimmy that was rocking through the craft.

Clinging to the back of the co-pilot's chair, McKay clung onto the ZPM for dear life. "In about twenty seconds, this thing is going to fly apart, and we're all going to go along with it."

"Which part?" Lensman was frantically jabbing at the DHD embedded in the console, cursing under his breath. "I can't seem to hit the right buttons here." Resisting the urge to chew on his lip, as one particularly sharp bump made his teeth painfully click together, he kept punching away at the buttons.

"EVERY PART." Squeezing his eyes shut as the bucking began to make his head spin, McKay began to calculate in his head just how long it would take for the gate to dial Atlantis. He then factored in the time it would take for the autopilot to land them safely, and really wished he wasn't so good at math.

"I could use that gate open right about now." Having given up on trying to cling to his seat, Sheppard put both hands to the controls. The jumper instantly settled, then immediately started bouncing around again. "Lieutenant, this is the kind of thing that could cost you that promotion you just got."

The instant the ship had settled, Lensman had cleared the DHD and drilled in five glyphs in half as many seconds. "Almost-" Another sharp buck nearly made him hit the wrong button, hitting the fame between them instead. He jabbed at the panel again, vision swimming as wildly as the little ship was shaking "Almost- got it!"

Outside, the Stargate flared to life. A brilliant blue splash nearly kissed the nose of the puddle jumper as the gate established a connection. Said nose of the jumper smacked into the rim of the gate, grated to the side, and slid smoothly across the event horizon.

An instant later, the gate winked out.

-

"Ow, my eyes."

"Now, there's nothing wrong with your eyes that I can tell." Dr. Beckett aimed a small light into his patient's right eye.

"Yes there is, there's a _light_ shining into it."

"Oh hush." Shining the light into the other eye, Dr. Beckett clicked it off, and tucked it into a pocket. "There now, that wasn't so bad." Ignoring the look he got, he gently smoothed the edges of the bandage pressed to the patient's forehead. "Aside from that little bump you got on the head, you're perfectly fine. You can return to work at any time, Lieutenant Lentman."

"Except now I can't _see_." Lensman let out a low growl. "Lensman. Ell ee en, ess em ay en. Why can't anyone seem to remember it?"

Dr. Beckett blinked. "Shouldn't it be 'ell ee en ess, em ay en' instead?" Frowning, he straightened up, satisfied the bandage would remain in place. "The pause should come after the letter ess, I should think."

"That's the way my mother taught me to spell it Doc." Hopping off of the medical bed, Lensman brushed himself off. "Thanks for the tune-up, and the mild blinding."

Chuckling, Dr. Beckett shook his head. "Patients who act-up don't get a lolly when they're done."

"I'll remember that for the future spaceship crashes." Heading out into the corridor, Lensman waved over his shoulder. "Thanks Doc!"

"You're very welcome." Turning to gather up his medical implements, Dr. Beckett heard the door thump shut, then hum open again.

"Thanks Doc!" The door thumped shut once more.

"I said you're wel-" Frowning, Dr. Beckett stared at the door for a moment, before shaking his head. Dismissing it as a touch of work fatigue, he went back to gathering up his things.

-

Lensman ambled down a corridor, heading for the mess hall. He'd only been in Atlantis for a few days, but he did remember a few faces from the first two hours of orientation. "Hey, Major Lorne. How's M-"

"Minor Lorne, yeah, funny." Lorne shook his head, walking on past the Lieutenant, irritated. "You already did that one."

Stopping in the middle of the corridor to watch the Major walk off, Lensman scratched his head. "I did?" Letting out a faint hiss, as his fingers brushed the edge of his head wound, he frowned and continued on to the mess hall.

-

Filling up his tray with an assortment of sweets and a double helping of broccoli, Lensman spotted AR1 at their usual table. _Well, why not? It's not like Doctor McKay's opinion of me can get any lower, right?_ Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he ambled over to the table. "Hi, room for-"

"Oh, look who's back for another go." Scooping a spoonful of pudding onto his mildly acidic tongue, McKay glared up at the Lieutenant. "I thought you were 'feeling ill' just a minute ago. Change your mind?"

"Uhh, no." Blinking in surprise, Lensman looked around the table. Most of the team was avoiding eye contact with him. "I just got here. Did... Did I say something to offend Major Lorne? I bumped into him in the corridor, and he look-"

McKay scoffed, lightly slapping his hand against Ronan's arm to get his attention. "Can you believe this guy?"

Ronan looked down at his arm, then back up at McKay's face.

"Right, well." Clearing his throat, McKay went on. "You offended Major Lorne, your superior officer by the way, just a few minutes ago at this table right here."

Lensman stared blankly at McKay, uncomprehendingly. "But... I just _got here_ now." He jiggled his tray a little. "See? Here's my tray."

McKay scoffed again. "Nice one, you think we're- I'm- _we're_ dumb enough to fall for that?"

Teyla frowned, putting down her bottle of water after recapping it. "Doctor McKay is right, in this case." She shot McKay a mild look, before continuing on. "Your tray is right over there." She pointed at the other end of the table, where an identical tray lay between herself and Sheppard, a half-eaten tart upended on the table next to it.

"But, I haven't..." Setting down his tray, which contained the exact same helpings and portions, right down to the tart, Lensman put a hand to the bandage over his head. "I don't feel too well. I think I need to go lay down for a bit." Staring at the identical trays of food for a moment, he shook his head and walked away from the table.

Teyla watched him leave the mess hall, a concerned look on her face. "Do you think something is wrong?"

McKay scoffed again, attacking his pudding vigorously. "He's just trying to get our attention. The problem is that he wants to sit at the cool kids' table."

Ronan exchanged a bewildered look with Teyla. "What?"

Sheppard waved a hand dismissively. "It's a high school thing, don't worry about it." He frowned. "He's probably the kind of guy who jokes around a lot to get over how nervous he feels. I went to high school with a guy like that."

McKay set down his empty pudding bowl inside the first empty one, and reached for his third bowl of pudding that meal. "Oh, wha'd you call him?"

"Creepy."

-

Sitting with his back to the corridor wall, Lensman ignored the clicking noise his headset was making. "Ugh, ok ok, I hear you." Pressing his hands to his face, he fumbled for his earpiece for a moment before tucking it back into place and switching the mic on. "_What?_"

A surprised male voice with a mild accent drifted over the tiny speaker. "Oh, I'm sorry to disturb- this is Lieutenant Lensman, yes?"

Groaning, Lensman rubbed his temples, feeling the throbbing behind his eyes dull a little. "That's ell ee en- wait, you got it right? That's a first."

"Well yes, after you so rud- after you corrected me earlier, it would be hard not to remember." Zalenka's voice grew irritated. "I must say, you need to work on your methods of thanking people for their help, especially when they're very busy." He chattered on. "If the results weren't so interesting, I would have con-"

"_Yes Doctor_, this is Lieutenant Lensman, how can I help you?" The throbbing in his head was back, and twice as bad as it had been a minute ago.

"Ah, yes, well... I've got the results of that test you wanted me to run, and-"

"What test?"

"The... Test you asked me to perform on you? The one I did just five minutes ago in my lab here?" Zalenka paused for a moment, thinking. "You are Lensman, yes? The dark haired fellow who came in earlier with a bandage on his head, complaining of a headache?"

"Well I've got one _now_." Sighing disgustedly, Lensman forced himself up to his feet. "Look, just wait a minute, and I'll come down to your lab myself." He turned, and strode off down the corridor, then stopped. "... Where is your lab, exactly?"

"You, don't remember?"

"No, that would be quite a trick, since I've never been there before."

Zalenka muttered something under his breath to himself. "This may be worse than I thought. You say your headache just started a minute ago?"

"Yeah, just when you called me."

Letting loose a stream of Czech, Zalenka trailed off for a moment. "I think you had better come down here, quickly."

-

McKay strode into the lab, in mid-rant. "This had better be more important than anything you've ever had before Zalenka. I just ran into my _least_ favorite person in the world on my way here, and I am just dying, _dying_, to get back into my quarters for a ba-"

Wincing, Lensman put a hand to his bandage. "Could you drop it down about four octaves? Your voice is like a knife in my brain."

"Tough, I didn't care a minute ago, and I don't care now." McKay brushed off the complaint like he usually did, easily. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to get into the bath today? Hmm? _Hmm_?"

Zalenka and Lensman exchanged a glance.

McKay stared pointedly at the two, inclining his head a fraction. "_Hmm_?"

Zalenka took a stab at it. "Since lunch?"

"Wrong!" McKay turned to Lensman. "Well?"

Lensman shrugged one shoulder, still holding his head. "All day?"

McKay clapped his hands. "Yes! Ding ding ding! We have a winner."

Lensman winced again.

"All. Day. Long." McKay bulled on, building up to full steam. "Ever since we hauled that crate and that goo back from P7X- wait." He frowned, thinking hard. "How did you get here before me? I saw you going the other way when I passed you in the corridor."

"That was why I asked you here Rodney." Steering McKay over to his workstation, Zalenka opened a report on the monitor. "These are the readings I took from the Lieutenant just a few minutes ago." He opened a second report. "This one I took two minutes ago."

McKay scanned the reports in a few seconds. "Yes. So? They're the same. So what?"

Zalenka nodded. "Yes, yes. You see?" He glanced at Lensman for a moment, then clicked open a third report. "This one, I took just after I called you."

Sighing, McKay glanced over the report. "Yes yes, the reports indicate that he's giving off mild levels of the same exotic radiation as the unstable element we recovered this morning, so what?"

"Look at the third report Rodney." Zalenka pointed at the screen again.

"What? Ok, yes. So it's a little bit lower than the others. Good for you Zalenka, you've solved one of the great questions of the universe! 'Does radiation go away over time?' has been puzzling mankind for ages, but you, you wouldn't stop until-"

"_Rodney!_"

Startled, McKay jumped a little. "Yes?"

Pulling over a small plastic container, Zalenka nudged it under the sensor he'd set up and switched it on. "Take a look at this, and tell me what you see."

Sighing in disgust at what he saw as a colossal waste of his time, McKay leaned over to glance at the readout on the screen. "Yes, low and stable. Good news Lieutenant; You'll be able to have children someday, may God have mercy on them."

"Rodney." This time, Zalenka's voice was level and patient, as if he was speaking to a child. "Please look at the screen again." Holding up a hand to forestall any objections, he shook his head. "No, don't say anything. Just please, look at it again."

Rolling his eyes in disgust, McKay turned back to the screen. "Fine, I'm looking. Mild readings of exotic radiation, at a lev-" Pausing, McKay reached over to tap a few keys at the workstation. "That's strange."

Zalenka crossed his arms over his chest. "That's what I said."

Frowning, McKay tapped faster now, eyes narrowing as his focus did the same. "The radiation signature is _increasing_ as time goes by." He turned to stare at the Lieutenant, as if the man had suddenly sprouted a second head. "That shouldn't be happening."

Zalenka sighed, staring at the screen. "That's what I said too." Frowning at the puzzle the screen displayed, he cupped his chin with one hand.

-

"How bad is it?" Sheppard stared at the medical chart, not exactly sure what most of it meant.

"Well, we sent him through decontamination for the radiation, but I'm afraid it's a bit like trying to cure a flu by treating a runny nose." Doctor Beckett scratched at the stubble on his chin, wearing a bright orange HAZMAT suit. It was hard to deal with the itch on his face while wearing the rubber gloves. "Treating one symptom won't cure the ailment, it'll just make the condition a wee bit more tolerable."

"Are you sure it's as bad as McKay and Zalenka say it is?" Putting down the chart, Sheppard knew for a fact that Rodney tended to be a bit of an exaggerator sometimes.

"Let me put it this way; I just put one Lieutenant Lensman through scrubbing not five minutes ago. When I released him to get changed, the other one walked in for his appointment with the scrubbers." Picking up the clipboard, Doctor Beckett began working at his chin with one corner of the board. "Ah, that's much better."

Giving the Doctor a look, Sheppard shook his head. "Look, Doc, isn't there some sort of injection or something you can give him to-"

"Despite what you think you read on the chart Colonel, there is nothing medically wrong with the Lieutenant, aside from a wee bit of radiation. And before you ask, no, it's not life-threatening... Right now."

"What do you mean 'right now'? Are you saying it could get worse?"

"Maybe, yes. I'm not certain." Doctor Beckett began scratching the side of his head with the clipboard. "From what Rodney has told me, it's possible that the radiation increases itself over time somehow. I'm having enough trouble wrapping my head around there being two of the same person walking around at the same time. It'd be bloody confusing if it were happening to me, I can tell you that much."

Sheppard snatched away the clipboard, giving the Doctor another look. "So explain to me why there's never two of him in the same place at once."

"That one I can explain." Rodney walked over to the pair, wagging a doughnut at them.

The pair stared at the doughnut.

"What, this? I'm hungry." Taking a huge bite, McKay talked around the mouthful of food, somehow. "Waff haffening... Um, excuse me. What's happening, is that the radiation is only a symptom of a greater problem."

"Aye, I was just telling the Colonel that."

"Well did you also tell him that the exotic radiation is interacting with a quantum fracture, and therefore making Lieutenant Lensman exist in both the present and near-future at the same time, yet semi-independently?"

"Now how the bloody hell could I tell him something like that Rodney?"

"Well if you had a tenth of my scientific genius, you might have figured it out on your own." McKay stuffed the remainder of the doughnut into his mouth.

"May I remind you that I'm a doctor too?" Doctor Beckett frowned, trying to scratch at his chin again with a rubber-gloved hand. "And if you're not careful, you're going to drive your cholesterol through the roof? These damn bloody gloves!"

"So, _Rodney_, what do we do about this quantum crack then? Glue it shut?" Sheppard crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for the inevitable, smugly delivered answer.

"Actually, something along those lines, yes."

Sheppard was mildly surprised. "Really?"

"Well, not so much 'glue' as 'patch shut with a fresh burst of exotic radiation and a micro-pulse of-'"

"Alright Rodney, thanks. We get it." Sheppard shook his head. "Now we just have to get them both into the same jumper to do it."

"And the unstable element." McKay frowned. This was the part he didn't like. "I need to direct the pulse through the element, just um, like I did when we first scanned it on P7X- blah blah blah."

"So, this is all _your_ fault then, isn't it?" Giving McKay a smug look, Sheppard leaned in a bit closer, waiting for the reply.

"For showing an interest in a power source that could have replaced our incredibly empty ZPMs, yes. I'm sorry for trying to survive against the Wraith a little longer, are you happy now?"

"I'll be happy when I see you apologize to Lieutenant Lensman." The look on Sheppard's face said he was looking forward to seeing how that one would play out. "For the moment, I think we need to figure out some way to get those two together somehow." There was a soft click in his ear, and he tapped his headset. "This is Sheppard; go ahead."

"Colonel, this is Lieutenant Lensman. Er, the before Lensman, not the later one."

"Where are you?"

Doctor Beckett turned around, as a pair of frantic med-techs in HAZMAT suits came running up to him, waving their arms.

"I'm in one of the corridors." There was some background noise, people gasping, laughing, running. "And no, I'm not wearing much more than a towel. Look, the important thing is; I've got an idea. I need you to somehow beat the not-yet-but-soon-to-be-me to my quarters. Have you got a pen?"

-

Holding a bundle of clothing and a pair of towels, Ronan Dex stood at a vacant corridor junction.

Waiting.

"Oh good, you brought towels." Rounding the corner, Lieutenant Lensman dropped his wet towel, hastily snatching a fresh one offered by the former Runner. "Thanks."

Saying nothing, Ronan simply held out the second towel.

Taking the second towel after the first was soaked, Lensman finished drying himself. "Thanks, I know I didn't exactly make the best first impression-"

Ronan shoved an article of clothing at the man. "Save it. Sheppard explained already."

Pulling on the clothing as fast as it was jammed into his hands, Lensman gave the taller man a surprised glance. "He explained that I'm halfway between two temporal states simultaneously?"

Ronan stared at him, holding out his boots. "... He said you were having a rough day."

Lensman took one boot, jamming it on the wrong foot, hopping in place. "Yeah, that about covers it."

"He also said to stick with you, in case anything goes wrong."

"Goes wrong how?" Lensman managed to get the boot onto the proper foot, and hastily laced it.

"You go crazy and try to kill yourself."

"Oh, yes. That would be bad." Taking the other boot, Lensman began hopping forward, struggling to get it on and laced and walk, all at the same time. "Just, make sure you don't kill me, while you're trying to stop me from killing myself."

Ronan just stared at him.

"You'll get it when you see it. Us. Me. I mean- ah forget it." Half-walking, half-hobbling forward, Lensman laced his boot, moving at a jerky gait. "I really hope Sheppard is as good as everyone keeps saying he is."

"Why?"

"You'll see." Coming to the corner of the junction, Lensman straightened up, holding out his hand. "Watch."

Ronan glanced around the corner.

"_Wristwatch, _please."

Digging in his pocket, Ronan pushed the item into the man's hand. "Sorry."

Lensman stood there, staring at the watch, nodding his head and adjusting the dial running around the face of the watch.

Ronan waited a few seconds, becoming impatient. "What are we doing?"

"I'm adjusting the bezel. I want to be as close to dead-on accurate as I can."

"Why?"

"NOW!" Lensman suddenly jumped around the corner, walking briskly at a marching pace. "Hurry up!"

Ronan jogged after him. "What's the rush all of a-" He broke off as someone turned the corner ahead of them.

A second Lieutenant Lensman slowly matched the pace of the two, drawing up alongside himself and Ronan, an odd look on his face. "This... Is decidedly weird."

Lensman looked back at himself, or rather, the himself he would become in a few minutes. "You have no idea how this feels from my end."

Ronan marched along between the pair, looking back and forth from one to the other. After a moment, he reached out and poked the first Lieutenant, than the other.

"Don't say anything. It's weird enough being beside myself as-is. I don't need anyone telling how it is on their end too."

"I'd say 'that's my line' but, I'll probably end up saying it anyway in a few minutes."

The soon-to-be-Lensman grunted.

"You said it."

-

"So that's his plan?" Sitting in a jumper, loaded down with scanners and various bits of scientific kibble, McKay stared at Sheppard disbelievingly. "He's just going to wander around with himself until they close the distance physically between themselves, and then just pile into the jumper?"

Sheppard poked a control here and there, amusing himself in the pilot's chair while he waited. "That's the plan." He flipped on the HUD, looking for the little line of text that had plagued them on their last flight. "Seems pretty good to me."

"Well I'm sorry John, but that's a terrible plan."

"How so?"

"Physical space, for one."

"There's enough chairs for everyone in here since it'll just be the three- sorry, three plus one-soon-to-be just three of us." Sheppard half-glanced at McKay, still hunting for the elusive line of text.

"No, I mean _literal_ physical space." McKay leaned forward, holding up his hands. "As time passes by, the two will begin to occupy less and less of the same space at the same time. In Atlantis, that's not a problem. In a moving puddle jumper, in the middle of space-" He began spreading his arms apart, widening the distance between his hands until one of them pressed against the side of the ship, and the other pressed against Sheppard's shoulder.

"They end up pushing through the hull of the ship?"

"More like compressing against the hull until they're flatter than the thickness of an atom."

"Well, that sounds... Disgustingly bad."

"And then the quantum fracture destabilizes, and probably blows the jumper up, and us along with it."

"You could have _told_ me that _before_ we got on the jumper." Lensman poked his head between the seats, frowning at the two men.

McKay jumped in his seat, pressing a hand to his chest.

"Sorry." Lensman reached over, grabbing at one of the devices half-poking out of one of McKay's many pockets. "Just write down what we need to do, and I'll do it ourselves."

McKay swatted at the grabby-hand. "Forget it, it's about a thousand orders of magnitude more complex than your brain can comprehend."

"Besides, you don't have the ATA gene, so you couldn't fly the jumper on your own anyhow." Sheppard glanced back over his shoulder. "You all set back there?"

A second Lieutenant Lensman strode into the ship, shutting the rear hatch. "I'm as ready as we're ever going to be."

"Do you have to do that, what with the changing tenses and all?" Sheppard powered up the tiny ship's drive, lowering it into the gate room.

"The way we see it, I'll probably never have another chance for us to screw around with temporal tenses like this and _not_ be shot for confusing everyone. How could I miss our chance to do this?" The first Lensman sat in the seat directly behind the pilot's chair. "We're ready when you are."

Shaking his head, Sheppard cleared the HUD. "Rodney, dial the gate."

Leaning over, McKay began tapping in the gate address.

-

"Can't we go any faster?" Only a few minutes out, and the first Lensman was leaning over the DHD controls, chewing on his bottom lip.

McKay fiddled with one of his many devices spread over the control console. "If we go any faster, the unstable element might... Become unstable and explode." He tapped a string of commands into another device.

Sheppard looked over at McKay. "It 'might become unstable'?"

Sighing, McKay fiddled with yet another device. "Look, I know it sounds a little redundant, but-"

"A lot redundant."

"BUT nobody ever got a chance to give it an actual name, considering how little time we had to study it."

"Hey, I've got an idea." The second Lensman was pressed flat against the rear hatch, looking fairly uncomfortable. "What don't we call it 'Probl-onium'?"

"Ha ha. Very funny, whichever one you are." McKay focused on his work. "I was thinking of something a little more scientific."

Sheppard thought for a moment. "How about 'Bad-anium'?"

"_Look_, I know it may seem as if I'm just screwing around here, but if I don't figure out the exact timing and frequency and duration of this pulse, two of us are going to be a lot thinner, and _all of us_ are going to be a lot deader."

The first Lensman leaned closer, his nose brushing up against the HUD. "Hurry."

The puddle jumper began to vibrate, slowly at first, but swiftly becoming more violent.

"This is bad." Sheppard's hands tugged lightly at the controls, gently rocking against the rumbling of the ship. "This is very bad."

"No no, this is what we want." McKay continued to fiddle with his devices, hands moving rapidly as he worked out three complex calculations simultaneously. "Just a little bit longer."

"Hurry up!" The first Lensman was sounding distressed, as his cheek was mashed up against the forward display. He could feel a sharp pain in one cheekbone, adding to the ever-growing throbbing behind his eyes. He didn't even want to imagine how bad it was for the other of him, who'd been pressed against the rear hatch since the beginning of the flight. The low groaning coming from the back was telling enough.

"Almost got it. Just a bit more."

"McKay, I hate to disturb you, but could you maybe finish up in the next ten seconds or so?" Sheppard's voice was utterly calm and level. "I'm only asking because a Wraith ship just swung in overhead, and I think they're going to swallow us up pretty quick here."

"Whatever you do, don't change your course." Getting up out of his seat, McKay took one look at the angle of Lensman's neck, and scrambled behind his seat. It took a few precious seconds for his trembling hands to align the energy pulse emitter to the proper frequency.

"And if I do?" Sheppard still sounded utterly at ease, which was an indication of just how badly things were getting. "What happens?" He stared intently at the HUD, which was telling him that darts were surrounding them on all sides now.

"I mis-fire the pulse, split the quantum fracture wide open, and this whole region of space becomes a big, interstellar pot-hole." McKay's hands moved swiftly, surely, the man once again rising to the impossible challenge of impending doom with an ease he wished he always possessed.

"That would be bad." Fingers lightly gripping the controls, Sheppard wished he had free reign to throw the tiny craft into a dive. A quick skim across the Wraith ship would buy them enough time to activate the cloak and escape. "Now here's an idea; What if we cloaked?"

"That might interfere with the pulse, or the fracture, or both." The moaning had stopped, and McKay found himself moving even faster, fearing that he'd be too late to save anyone.

"So, boom then?" The net of Wraith ships tightened around them like a noose.

"Yes boom, now will you please let me-" The emitter lit up, shining bright pink. "We're hot! Firing the pulse!" Throwing the switch, there was a blinding flash of indigo light.

For some unexplainable reason, all the sound in the little ship was drowned out by nothing. For a moment, it was deadly quiet. Then, the sound of two bodies smacking together broke the silence, followed by someone hitting the deck.

McKay killed the pulse emitter. "We're clear! GO!"

Not needing any urging, Sheppard threw the puddle jumper into a spiraling dive, racing headlong at the Wraith ship. "McKay, how unstable is that unstable element of yours?"

"Very unstable." McKay carefully hauled the unconscious Lieutenant Lensman into a seat, mopping blood away from his pale face with one sleeve.

"How big of an explosion would it make if we say, threw it out the back of the jumper, then hit it with a drone?" Weaving between the darts that suddenly took great interest in swarming the little craft, Shepard armed the onboard Drone weapons.

McKay gathered up his things, shoving them into a vacant seat. "Big enough." Scrambling into the rear, he unsnapped the straps holding the crate containing the unstable element down. "Straps clear." Shutting the bulkhead separating the hold from the cockpit, McKay hauled himself back into his seat. "Hatch is sealed."

"Blowing the rear hatch."

The tiny ship flipped end-over-end, the rear hatch opening and ejecting a small crate towards the massive Wraith ship. Another rotation, and the tiny puddle jumper spat an even smaller, bright yellow projectile directly at the little crate.

For a moment, nothing happened.

The next moment, half the Wraith ship vanished in a ball of orange light.

-

"Well, that all went well." Easing back in his seat, Sheppard toyed with a bottle of water.

"Easy for you to say." Mumbling something around a spoonful of pudding, McKay shook his head.

Half-hiding a smile, Teyla slid her chair back, getting up to leave. "Well, if you all will excuse me, I think I will visit Lieutenant Lensman. Doctor Beckett tells me that he will fully recover in a few days, and his cheek will be fine Rodney."

McKay mumbled again, hastily shoving another spoonful of pudding into his mouth.

Watching Teyla leave, Sheppard continued to toy with the water bottle. "You know what I don't get? Why didn't the future Lensman know what the past Lensman was going to do? Didn't he already do it too?"

McKay shook his head, swallowing. "Quantum mechanics. Nothing is certain, nor follows pre-determined paths."

"So, free will trumps all then?"

"It's not Star Trek Sheppard."

"I know... Would have been cool though."

"How so?"

"Being able to tell the future, could've given us a real edge against the Wraith."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Then again..." Sheppard set down his bottle, getting up to leave. "Some things we're better off not knowing, right?"

Sitting there glumly, long after Sheppard had left, Doctor Rodney McKay had finished his pudding, and was sitting there, alone...

With his guilt.

His earpiece clicked faintly. "Yes?" McKay caught himself, and quickly switched the mic on. "Ahem, yes?"

"Hey, Doctor McKay." Whoever it was, it was a cheerful voice. "I just wanted to thank you for saving me... Teyla said that I should mention that there's no permanent damage either.

It was a welcome surprise, to hear the Lieutenant sounding so cheerful, which just served to drive McKay even further into the dumps. "Oh, yes." Getting up, he slowly walked out of the mess hall. "Well, I'm, glad to hear you'll be ok." He walked on morosely. "Look, I realize I treated you pretty badly, I just wanted to say-"

"It's nothing Doctor, I was a bit of a pain myself." There was a pause. "Why don't we just agree to forgive and forget? Start over maybe? Quantum water under the bridge and all that."

McKay smiled, stopping at an intersection. "I'd like that."

"I'll tell you what, let me start us off right." Another pause. "Wait three seconds, then jump forward with your arms out."

"What? I don't underst-"

"JUMP!"

McKay reacted on instinct, an instinct honed by years of Sheppard pulling his bacon out of the fire. He jumped...

And collided with Doctor Jennifer Keller, somehow managing to help catch the pile of medical cases she'd been in the process of dropping.

"Oh, wow. Good timing Rodney." Flashing McKay a brilliant smile, she quickly straightened out her armful of cases. "I've got to get these to the jumpers, talk to you later?" She called the last over her shoulder, as she continued on her way.

"Uh, yeah. See you." Staring after Doctor Keller, long after she'd gotten out of sight, McKay shook his head. "Unbelievable." He suddenly remembered the radio was still on. "You set that up?"

"Something like that. Now if you'll excuse me, Doctor Beckett is here to tuck me in for the night. Goodnight Doctor McKay."

"But wait, if you're still in the medical bay, how did you-"

The radio clicked off, and went silent.

-

The end.

I've always wanted to say that at the end of one of these, so here it is.

Entire story writen over a twelve hour period, in about three sittings. Comments of all kinds welcome.

Carson's comment on how it would be confusing if there were two of him walking around was done in irony, since he's the Carson-clone.


End file.
